WASHINGTON, D.C.—Last year’s bipartisan infrastructure bill has already begun to save our nation from the brink of all types of collapses, thanks to additional funding for a myriad of infrastructures. The first major project to near completion is the raising of the Capitol Dome to accommodate Nancy Pelosi’s eyebrows.
“This is the first time the Capitol building has undergone a major facelift in response to a major facelift,” said Capitol Building Chief Architect Bob Cornice, while towering cranes lifted the massive dome hundreds of feet higher to accommodate the House Speaker’s updated physiology. “The structure was on the brink of collapse due to damage caused by those things constantly crashing into load-bearing columns.”
Chief Architect Cornice continued, wistfully, “But it does remind me of the time we had to reinforce this baby during the Clinton Administration to keep the hot air from tearing the whole roof off outright. Talk about an engineering nightmare.”
At publishing time, construction had experienced delays, as Rep. Pelosi had stopped by to check on their progress and one of her eyebrows snagged a cable, toppling a crane.
Cornice also confirmed plans for a deeper Capitol basement to accommodate Mitch McConnell's second chin.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
