WASHINGTON, D.C.—Last year’s bipartisan infrastructure bill has already begun to save our nation from the brink of all types of collapses, thanks to additional funding for a myriad of infrastructures. The first major project to near completion is the raising of the Capitol Dome to accommodate Nancy Pelosi’s eyebrows.
“This is the first time the Capitol building has undergone a major facelift in response to a major facelift,” said Capitol Building Chief Architect Bob Cornice, while towering cranes lifted the massive dome hundreds of feet higher to accommodate the House Speaker’s updated physiology. “The structure was on the brink of collapse due to damage caused by those things constantly crashing into load-bearing columns.”
Chief Architect Cornice continued, wistfully, “But it does remind me of the time we had to reinforce this baby during the Clinton Administration to keep the hot air from tearing the whole roof off outright. Talk about an engineering nightmare.”
At publishing time, construction had experienced delays, as Rep. Pelosi had stopped by to check on their progress and one of her eyebrows snagged a cable, toppling a crane.
Cornice also confirmed plans for a deeper Capitol basement to accommodate Mitch McConnell's second chin.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Democracy Falls As Man Who Received The Most Votes Becomes President
"This is indeed a dark day," said historian and professor Clifford Martin. "The American experiment has survived for nearly 250 years, continuing the tradition started by the ancient Greeks who created the concept of democracy… but today we have seen its end. The man who won more votes than anyone else has been sworn in as president, and that is just not how democracy works."https://babylonbee.com/news/democracy-falls-as-man-who-received-the-most-votes-becomes-president
Clump Of Cells Dies At 67
The clump, which had been birthed by Democrat uterus-owner and former Texas governor Ann Richards, was in its 205th trimester. It presided over nearly 333,000 terminations of unwanted clumps of cells like itself during a 12-year stint as president of a philanthropic organization 3% dedicated to ripping apart clumps of cells and selling the remains.
Superman Under Fire After Hundreds Of Images Surface Of Him Giving Nazi Salute
"Maybe the symbol on his chest should be ‘SS,'" said Perry White, editor-in-chief of the Daily Planet. "We have spent all this time thinking Superman was on the side of freedom and liberty, but looking back over the photos we have taken of him over the years, it is clear to see he is just a fascist. I mean, Hitler wanted to literally create an Aryan race of "supermen," right? We're calling on Superman to issue a full public apology."
