U.S.—Vaccine manufacturers Pfizer and Moderna have filed a suit for patent infringement against the human immune system. Attorneys involved in the joint filing allege the human immune system not only fights COVID-19 infections but knowingly prevents further infections via a method known as "natural immunity."
"It's a sham!" argued prosecuting attorney Harold Durham. "Natural immunity is cutting into the profits of these humble vaccine manufacturers. Natural immunity is a clear rip-off of our mRNA treatment, which is also designed to trigger an immune response. This is in violation of a patent filed over a year ago!"
The human immune system has hired infamous patent attorney Joshua Law to build a credible defense.
"Patent Law didn't exist when my client began protecting the human body from disease. Even so, it's been continuing its work unmolested for thousands of years. Now someone is coming in to say everything the human immune system has done is their intellectual property? It's a farce!" said Law in a statement to the press.
Litigation is set to begin in two weeks. Legal experts favor Pfizer and Moderna and expect the two companies to share the immune response patent briefly before eventually suing each other.
"There can only be one lord of the vaccines," said Andrew Moderna, "and he does not share power!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
