U.S.—All across America, Conservatives are boldly standing up to fight the leftist takeovers of their states by packing up their U-Hauls and running away to red states as fast as they possibly can.
"The left continues its march through our governments, institutions, and communities, and they must be stopped at all costs before they destroy the entire country," said local Conservative Greg Tookiepuggles as he loaded all his earthly possessions in a moving van headed for Texas.
"That's why we must retreat to greener pastures where we will be safe and insulated from their corrupting influence and draconian regulations. That's the only way we'll stop them."
Unfortunately, Census data shows that leftists are just following conservatives to free and prosperous red states in hopes of sucking up all the wealth, freedom, and natural resources of those states like a plague of locusts, or maybe like that gelatinous alien life form from the 1958 sci-fi classic The Blob, before turning them into blue states and covering them under a shroud of Leftist depravity and darkness for all eternity.
Tookiepuggles has vowed to fight the leftist takeover of Texas with all his might, at least until they take over Texas, at which point he'll then run to Oklahoma.
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
