U.S.—All across America, Conservatives are boldly standing up to fight the leftist takeovers of their states by packing up their U-Hauls and running away to red states as fast as they possibly can.
"The left continues its march through our governments, institutions, and communities, and they must be stopped at all costs before they destroy the entire country," said local Conservative Greg Tookiepuggles as he loaded all his earthly possessions in a moving van headed for Texas.
"That's why we must retreat to greener pastures where we will be safe and insulated from their corrupting influence and draconian regulations. That's the only way we'll stop them."
Unfortunately, Census data shows that leftists are just following conservatives to free and prosperous red states in hopes of sucking up all the wealth, freedom, and natural resources of those states like a plague of locusts, or maybe like that gelatinous alien life form from the 1958 sci-fi classic The Blob, before turning them into blue states and covering them under a shroud of Leftist depravity and darkness for all eternity.
Tookiepuggles has vowed to fight the leftist takeover of Texas with all his might, at least until they take over Texas, at which point he'll then run to Oklahoma.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."