NEW YORK, NY—Former U.S. Representative Ron Paul awoke from Odinsleep this week to check the nation’s current debt. Now, ahead of the debt crossing the 30 trillion dollar threshold, the Libertarian Prince has set up shop in front of New York City’s National Debt Clock so he can yell “I told you so!” at everyone who walks by.
“I told you so!” shouted a feverish Ron Paul to an afraid-looking passerby. “I told you so, fella’!”
Police have received numerous complaints about the retired politician. “He’s not breaking any laws,” commented Captain Arnold of the NYPD Midtown South Precinct. “But he's causing lots of distress and anguish throughout the city as people wake up to the disaster that is our national debt. He must be stopped.”
“I told you so!” Ron Paul said to the police who asked him to calm down. “Can’t you see?! It’s out of control!”
New polling data suggests Paul’s message of fiscal responsibility has fallen on deaf ears. New Yorkers, who tend to support increased government spending, have viewed the billboard-sized debt tally as a high-score record keeper. The higher the number gets, the more excited they become.
The retired politician isn’t throwing in the towel, though. Experts agree Ron Paul isn’t capable of giving up because his soul is inextricably linked to the nation’s debt.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."