U.S.—The SCOTUS has struck down Biden’s vaccine mandates on the grounds that they are unconstitutional. Experts say this sets a dangerous precedent of letting individuals make their own medical decisions.
“What am I supposed to do now that I don’t have private companies working with the Federal government to force me to inject a foreign substance into my body?” said Linda Waddlebum, a concerned mother of 6 cats. “So dangerous and shortsighted. How will I stay healthy? I don’t even recognize this America anymore.”
In response to the court’s decision, a large group of protestors has gathered outside of the Supreme Court building. “Pfizer knows best! What they inject, I can’t object!” they chanted while ripping up copies of the constitution. “Give us petty tyranny or give us death! Abolish the Supreme Court!”
“You can’t give people choices! What if they make the wrong one? One that isn’t what I wanted them to do?” said Waddlebum. “Next thing you know, people will decide to send their kids back to school and return to work in person without masks.”
At publishing time, people were dangerously continuing on with their lives making the best medical decisions possible for themselves and their families. They were even able to make these decisions without fear of losing their livelihood.
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."