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Biden Personally Confirms Each Government-Provided Mask Passes The Sniff Test

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Biden Administration has announced that it will be providing high-quality masks to the American people for free. Taking no chances, President Joe Biden has committed to personally ensuring each mask passes the sniff test.

“Look, here’s the deal: we can’t just hand out any old kind of mask. If we’re gonna stop omicold—I mean omicron, then we need high-quality N95 masks,” Biden said. “That’s why I’ve tested each and every mask making sure they’re strong enough to block covid, but still able to smell the things we all love most such as food, candles, and a woman’s hair.”

“Now I can still give the ladies a good ol’ sniff without having to worry about catching omicron,” Biden continued. “When you’re wearing one of these bad boys you don’t even have to keep 6ft apart, which is perfect for coming up behind a woman and sniffing her neck.”

At publishing time, the White House announced that they would be requiring double N95 masks in hopes of preventing Biden from going around sniffing everyone.

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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