RICHMOND, VA—Glenn Youngkin shocked the country this week after taking office and immediately doing exactly what he told everyone he was going to do when he took office.
"Today, I'm taking office, and I'm going to immediately fulfill the promises I ran for office on," said Youngkin to an astonished crowd.
Thousands of people then gasped in horror as Younkin ended mask mandates and prohibited the forced Communist race-war indoctrination known as CRT in public schools.
"He... he CAN'T DO THAT!" shrieked progressive parents. "Our children have a God-given right to state-enforced Communist indoctrination while wearing 3 masks! Youngkin is a literal Nazi!"
The progressive parents then built a massive gulag for their kids and forced them to wear 3 masks to get back at Glenn Youngkin.
Watchdog groups warn that if Youngkin is successful in implementing his 3rd campaign promise—cutting burdensome regulations—the state could descend into death, misery, and fascism.
Strangely, the election of Youngkin still hasn't been enough to drive progressives to want to move to D.C.
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
