U.S.—Fans of former president Donald J. Trump are chomping at the bit to once again vote for the guy who fast-tracked vaccines and appointed Dr. Anthony Fauci to the Coronavirus Task Force.
"Trump was by far our greatest president. Even better than James Madison!" said local deplorable Nathan Nebulous. "Everything was great under Trump until that deadly virus changed the face of the entire earth overnight and ruined everything. But he was so good at owning the libs!"
Sean Hannity, a popular conservative pundit, announced his continued support of Trump on his radio program. "Sure, the vaccines don't seem to help at all and Fauci may have created COVID himself, but nobody's perfect. Don't lose sight of how great his Twitter account was before he got banned."
President Biden has welcomed a rematch with Trump, claiming it may be the only chance he has to stay in office. "I think this country is done with hetero-normative white men. No one's going to vote for him over a black man like me."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
