When M&M bravely transformed their M&M characters into progressive liberals they shined a spotlight on a problem no one had ever considered before. Can candy be racist? Can it be transphobic or deplorable? The answer, we now know, is yes.
Here are nine more candies that need to follow M&M’s trailblazing example and get woke asap!
Almond Joy – Has nuts. Should get nut removal surgery and be transgender. Also, it’s wrong to feel joy in our broken, racist, evil country. That’s privilege. Do better, Almond Joy.
Sour Patch Kids – None of these kids have had gender reassignment surgery. They’re not even taking puberty blockers! Additionally, they are all diverse skin colors, and yet are getting along in harmony. Not woke all!
Mr. Goodbar – Where do we even start? Mister? Good? BAR?!
Sugar Daddy – Don’t you mean “Sugar-non-birthing parent?” REEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Twix - It's laudable that Twix has a left bar, but it also has a right bar, so it's basically a Nazi.
Gobstopper – Made by enslaved midgets, which is wrong.
Whatchamacallit – Belittling Ebonics to the level of candy. So racist. Though it does earn some points for having an identity crisis.
Dove Chocolate – A white bird for a chocolate candy? Are you serious?!
Dum Dums - Makes fun of the mentally less capable among us.
The next time you give in to your sweet tooth please make sure your candy is ACLU certified. Just because something is tasty doesn’t mean it’s woke. And if something ain’t woke then it’s broke!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
