WASHINGTON, D.C.—Addressing the nation from his dark tower, Dr. Fauci revealed today that he has been forging in secret a master vaccine to rule all the others and cover all the lands in darkness. The "One Vaccine to Rule Them All" apparently gives Fauci the power to control anyone who has "so foolishly" taken his free gift of vaccines throughout the pandemic.
"One vaccine to rule them all, one vaccine to mind-control them -- one vaccine to boost them all and in their lack of natural immunity bind them," he chanted, reciting the inscription on the label of the master vaccine.
According to legend, three vaccines were given to the CDC, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven were given to the Democratic state governors, skilled at ruling through manipulation and fear. And nine were given to the nine Supreme Court justices, who above all else desire power. But in secret, Fauci forged a master vaccine, and into this vaccine he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his bizarre hatred for puppies.
Ron DeSantis is reportedly leading his personal state militia to fight for the freedom of the United States once and for all. He'll definitely throw away the master vaccine into the fires whence it came once he acquires it, according to sources.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
