WASHINGTON, D.C.—After 12 straight months of collapsing popularity, President Biden finally saw an uptick in his approval rating after his mean comment to a journalist reminded Americans what it was like to have a real president.
“The President is up across the board according to multiple polls,” said political analyst Carlos Del Rove. “Cursing at a journalist on a hot mic was probably the most presidential thing he has done since he was sworn in, at least according to everyday citizens. Voters’ memories are shorter than a common gnat, but it’s very clear that many people long for the days of low gas prices, real patriotism, and super mean tweets.”
Biden staffers pounced on the opportunity to improve Biden’s popularity by granting him access to a Twitter-enabled phone so he could tweet mean things like a real president, but sources close to the President say he just ate the phone.
Upon hearing the news that the President said a mean thing to a journalist, CNN’s Jim Acosta and Jake Tapper were reportedly asking around for the date and location of the unfortunate journalist’s funeral services.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
