WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move that experts on both sides of the aisle are praising as financially bold and politically effervescent, President Biden asked the Federal Reserve to just print up a few batches of approval points.
“It’s doggone brilliant,” said Fed Chairman Jerome Powell while warming up a printing press. “The genius did it with our nation’s dollar and it worked splendidly, so it only makes sense for him to solve his low approval rating in a similar manner.”
While being hailed as "super-duper intelligent" by many, the request for printed approval points is not without skeptics. Approval point expert Paul Wacher expressed doubts that the Federal Reserve has the capacity to print enough approval points to dig Biden out of his abyss of record-shattering unpopularity.
“Now if Biden were to ask the Fed to print more approval-point printing machines,” said Wacher, “I believe he’d have a chance.”
At publishing time, Biden was overheard asking the Fed Chairman if any of those printing machines could print out hair.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
