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Oh No! Biden Promises To End Cancer Just Like He Shut Down COVID And Now We All Have Cancer

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden has promised to end cancer, citing his excellent record in shutting down the coronavirus. But oh no! Now everyone in the U.S. has cancer!

Within minutes of Biden's announcement that he would be ending cancer, over 300 million new cancer cases were reported. It wasn't clear how so many people got cancer so fast, but no matter how it happened, many are blaming Biden for his bungling of the cancer situation.

"Listen, folks, I'm gonna shut this whole cancer thing down," Biden said at a press conference Thursday. "We're gonna - ahem, excuse me - we're gonna stop, we're gonna stop this thing. Excuse me for a minute." Biden then broke down into a coughing fit and was taken in for a medical evaluation, which revealed that he had 17 kinds of cancer, including several that hadn't even been invented yet. Reporters began demanding answers, but all were rushed to the hospital with cancer as well.

Some sources say Trump even developed a cure for cancer before leaving office and had a clear plan for getting it distributed. But somehow, after the cure was passed off to the Biden administration, cancer cases exploded. CNN is blaming Trump, calling cancer the "Trumpcancer", though they have taken their cancer death counter off their broadcast now that Biden is in office.

At publishing time, Biden had announced he would be ending gun violence for good and oh no! I've just been shot!

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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