SUMMERFIELD, MD—The Washington Football Team changed its name this week, finalizing a year-long transition from 'Redskins' to 'Commanders.' Along with the shiny new name, the team announced a brand new mascot: General George Custer.
"We wanted a mascot that would represent the ultimate commander," said team owner Dan Snyder. "Someone the fans could rally behind as we make our last stand on defense."
General Custer, who famously said, "There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry," will be on the sidelines every game to cheer on the Commanders with the crowd.
Native American leaders have been critical of the new mascot. "Commanders is vague enough to be inoffensive, but this mascot makes everything worse. Custer was famous for reveling in the slaughter of native tribes," said Chief Rolling Hamster. "I'd prefer they call themselves the Redskins at this point."
Notable Indigenous Person Elizabeth Warren also expressed her disgust. "That you would parade a white man mascot around instead of a Native American is abhorrent. Are you saying Native Americans can't be commanders? I'm tired of rich white people making these decisions!" she lamented from her mansion in Cambridge.
According to sources, fans in and around the nation's capital just want to enjoy some football for once in their lives.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
