LOS ANGELES, CA—As the Super Bowl approaches, Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti has instituted a citywide "hold-your-breath" order to keep people safe during the big game.
"As I said earlier this week when reporters asked me why I wasn't wearing a mask at the NFC Championship game, I was holding my breath, so it was ok," said the Mayor to reporters. "There is a zero percent chance of infection if you're holding your breath. That's just science. That's why today I'm issuing a 'hold-your-breath' mandate. If everyone just holds their breath for 15 days, we'll get through this thing. We're all in this together!"
"Now 3... 2... 1... HOLD YOUR BREATH!"
At Mayor Garcetti's order, all the journalists at the press conference took a deep breath and held it until they all turned blue and passed out, leaving only Mayor Garcetti standing.
When asked later why he hadn't followed his own order to stop breathing, Garcetti told the press he had been wearing a mask, so it was ok.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
