The Babylon Bee
Culture • News • Comedy
Fake news you can trust.
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
Supreme Court To Rule On Affirmative Action Quickly Before New Affirmative Action Justice Gets There

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Supreme Court is reorganizing its docket so it can rule on an affirmative action case before a new affirmative action justice is appointed. President Joe Biden, who has pledged to appoint a black woman to the court, will be forced to nominate a justice on pure merit if SCOTUS rules affirmative action to be unconstitutional.

"It is unconstitutional," said Chief Justice John Roberts. "I mean, I'm not supposed to talk about this sort of thing before we actually hear arguments, but come on. I mean, seriously, you guys."

"Affirmative action served a purpose as America dissolved segregation but it's woefully out of date," he continued. "At this rate, we'll be stuck with a bunch of Sotomayors. For God's sake, I am not a babysitter!"

The court will increase its caseload, skipping lunches to squeeze them all in before Biden's nomination is confirmed. Everyone other than Sotomayor agrees affirmative action is an important topic.

"But how people get job?" Sotomayor asked her colleagues without further elaboration.

Legal experts believe affirmative action will be blocked by the court when it hears the case in the coming weeks. However, if arguments run long, Biden may sneak in a new justice based solely on skin color and gender that cannot be removed for the rest of her life.

post photo preview
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
What else you may like…
Videos
Posts
🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
May 09, 2026

UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion

"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."

https://babylonbee.com/news/ufo-files-reveal-aliens-here-and-already-defrauded-minnesota-for-20-billion

May 09, 2026

Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws

"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."

https://babylonbee.com/news/democrat-effort-to-retake-congress-once-again-thwarted-by-existence-of-laws

May 08, 2026

Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote

"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."

https://babylonbee.com/news/virginia-considering-new-measure-that-just-makes-it-illegal-for-republicans-to-vote

Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals