WASHINGTON, D.C.—Millions of people around the world are calling for the immediate removal and de-platforming of Joe Biden after investigators uncovered his troubling history of sharing deadly medical misinformation and saying the n-word constantly.
"There are literally hours of tape of Biden making the most disgusting racist statements, and sharing dangerous misinformation, such as 'cloth masks work.' He even said the n-word at Clarence Thomas's confirmation hearing!" said Fredrick Dinglefleep, President of the Southern Poverty Law Center. "We're honestly not sure how we didn't catch this before."
Experts are scratching their heads as to how a flaming racist with a propensity for speaking unscientific nonsense managed to sneak his way into the oval office. Some are suggesting he did so with a series of endearing folksy catchphrases such as: "Come on, man!"
When asked for comment, Biden said, "Wear a cloth mask because they work, and if you don't wear one, you ain't a [n-word]!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
