WASHINGTON, D.C.—Millions of people around the world are calling for the immediate removal and de-platforming of Joe Biden after investigators uncovered his troubling history of sharing deadly medical misinformation and saying the n-word constantly.
"There are literally hours of tape of Biden making the most disgusting racist statements, and sharing dangerous misinformation, such as 'cloth masks work.' He even said the n-word at Clarence Thomas's confirmation hearing!" said Fredrick Dinglefleep, President of the Southern Poverty Law Center. "We're honestly not sure how we didn't catch this before."
Experts are scratching their heads as to how a flaming racist with a propensity for speaking unscientific nonsense managed to sneak his way into the oval office. Some are suggesting he did so with a series of endearing folksy catchphrases such as: "Come on, man!"
When asked for comment, Biden said, "Wear a cloth mask because they work, and if you don't wear one, you ain't a [n-word]!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
