ATLANTA, GA—Beloved Georgia politician Stacey Abrams was viciously pounced upon by conservative critics after being photographed maskless while she was surrounded by dozens of masked schoolchildren. But the haters quickly walked back their criticisms of the political firebrand after Abrams informed them that she's the Governor and governors don't have to wear masks.
“After hearing that Abrams was following the science of being an important governor around those small, dangerous vectors of COVID-19, we immediately retracted our denunciation and published a formal apology,” said conservative pundit, Balswell Crocwelder with a tone of remorse and guilt in his voice. “Who knows what horrific disaster would have occurred had she not been an important state leader who is immune from all mask requirements."
When pressed on the issue, Mr. Crocwelder finally admitted he only attacked Ms. Abrams because he wanted to date her.
Co-hosts of ABC’s “The View” praised Abrams for her intelligent use of science by being around kids as a duly elected governor, reminding viewers the scientific practice has been used by literally every other politician in the Democrat party, resulting in millions of lives saved.
Joy Behar, long-time host of “The View” and likely MENSA hall of famer, praised Abrams as a fellow genius, and proposed that the same rigorously-proven science be used to stop the spread of AIDS by being a Democrat governor during sex.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
