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Bigoted Pairs Figure Skating Event Suggests There Are Only 2 Genders

BEIJING—Pairs Figure Skating, a staple of the Winter Olympics ever since its inception, is angering dozens of people around the world with its bigoted implication that there are only two genders.

"I can't believe they're forcing this sort of backward garbage on China, the most progressive country on earth!" said NBC Sports Reporter Fajik Perkins. "Pairs Figure Skating perpetuates the outdated myth that gender is binary. I'm literally shaking right now."

Gender experts say there are over 358 genders and counting, and people of non-traditional genders are demanding answers.

"They will not let me skate as a proud treesexual dragonkin. I've never been more offended!" complained Russian athlete Anton Skilevski in front of a Uyghur camp. "It is unjust to force me to skate as a man!"

Crowds at the Olympic games, however, have been confused by the outrage, possibly because they are largely Asian and haven't been told about the other genders yet.

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https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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