Dear Mr. Rogan,
The Babylon Bee is excited to offer you an incredible business opportunity. We know it's been tough for your podcast since people decided to come after you and cancel you. Rest assured, you can throw off the woke cancellation mob and become your own boss by agreeing to sell essential oils with us from the comfort of your home!
Eucalyptus Radiata? We got it. Lavender? Of course, it's a staple. Myrrh? We wouldn't be where we are today without Jesus' essential oil of choice.
If you partner with us in this lucrative endeavor, you can work from home and set your own hours. Need a sick day? No problem! Although, to be honest, you won't have any sick days if you anoint yourself with cassia oils.
It's not a pyramid scheme. It's multi-level marketing. With enough hard work, you can even make up to $100 million dollars, exactly what Rumble is already offering you. But because you're devoting yourself to such a godly Christian profession you'll also be laying up treasures in heaven.
Don't even think about it. Send us money, we'll send you some oils that are absolutely not watered down. And you can keep doing your podcast too if you like, as long as you prioritize the sale of essential oils. It's time to take charge of your life! Join us!
Sincerely,
Your friends at The Babylon Bee
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
