WASHINGTON, D.C.—A few days after the Biden Administration announced its new "Free Government Crack Pipes for Equity" program, the president's son Hunter was seen sneaking around the premises in a false mustache and glasses to see where he could get one for himself.
"Pssst! Hey you!" said Hunter to one White House staffer from behind a red curtain. "I'm the new... um... crack pipe inspector. Y'all know where I can get me one of them free government crack pipes, you know, to inspect it?"
The staffer pointed the strange-looking yet vaguely familiar man to a storage room in the West Wing where the President keeps all his extra crack pipes.
Experts say that distributing free crack pipes will make America a more racially equitable place somehow. When pressed over how this would work exactly, the experts demanded to stop being questioned due to them being experts.
Unfortunately, the crack pipes will not make it into the hands of poor drug-addicted Americans as they all mysteriously disappeared from the White house this morning.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
