There are a ton of misinformation-peddlers out there, lurking in the shadows, trying to kill you with misinformation. Here at the Babylon Bee, we care deeply about your safety, so we told our best researchers to compile a list of COVID treatments the CDC has NOT approved. Avoid these at all costs!
1) Drinking plenty of water: Please. Do you know what else drinks water? A horse.
2) Spending some time in the warm, pleasant Sun: This sun imbues us with Vitamin D, which the CDC has not approved for protection against COVID. Get inside now!!!
3) Getting a nice good workout at the gym: Stop fat-shaming! Besides, exercise will exacerbate your myocarditis.
4) Monoclonal Antibodies: Donald Trump's body was infused with monoclonal antibodies, and he's a literal Nazi. Do you really want that stuff in your body?
5) Laughter: Contrary to popular belief, laughter is not the best medicine. Stop laughing. It's probably bad for you.
6) Living A Meaningful Life Surrounded By Friends And Family: Those who live this lifestyle are 3,278% more likely to not look to the government for the answers. Sad!
7) Early treatment: Early treatment with therapeutics is a dangerous conspiracy theory promoted by enemies of Pfizer. Avoid!
8) Eating Your Vegetables: You know who else does this? Yeah, that's right: HORSES!
9) Only three jabs of the vaccine: SCIENCE now tells us it takes at least 8 jabs to achieve robust immunity.
10) Your Own Immune System: The science is clear – the human body is incapable of doing anything without a healthy dose of medical juice.
Let's everyone do our part! We're all in this together!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
