LOS ANGELES, CA—In a brilliant move showing their intelligence and street smarts, both of which were definitely not acquired in the public school system, L.A.U.S.D. students dressed up as celebrities attending the Super Bowl this morning so they wouldn't have to wear a mask to school. Students donned attire making them appear to be miniature versions of Martha Stewart, Ryan Reynolds, Will Ferrell, and more big-name celebrities, hundreds of whom attended the packed football game yesterday without a mask in sight. "Sorry, teach -- you can't make me wear that," said one girl who now resembled Miley Cyrus. "I'm rich and famous and I'm above your rules." One smart student dressed up as Gavin Newsom himself, so he was allowed to wear no mask, dine indoors, and even given a private lunch party at an exclusive lunch table just for him, while everyone else had to wear masks and sit six feet apart.
There is hope for the future after all!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
