OTTAWA—In a surprise announcement in response to the truckers' Freedom Convoy, Justin Trudeau has granted himself emergency powers and named himself Emperor of the Galaxy.
"My resolve has never been stronger," said Trudeau with a sinister growl. "In order to ensure continuing safety and stability, Canada will be reorganized into the FIRST GALACTIC EMPIRE! For a safe, and secure, society!" Trudeau then raised his pale, gnarled hands, laughed a wicked laugh, and shot lightning from his fingertips as everyone clapped nervously.
"So this is how liberty dies," responded one Canadian MP, "to thunderous applause." The MP was then removed from social media and her bank account was frozen for providing support to the truckers.
Galactic Emperor Trudeau has vowed that all remaining truckers will be "hunted down and defeated." Sources say that he has used his powers to execute "Order 66" which mobilizes elite mountie squads to hunt down all supporters of the Freedom Convoy—even the younglings.
When reached for comment, a representative of the Freedom Convoy laughed and replied: "Ah, what a big dumb doughhead hoser that guy is, eh, buddy?"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
