OTTAWA—In a surprise announcement in response to the truckers' Freedom Convoy, Justin Trudeau has granted himself emergency powers and named himself Emperor of the Galaxy.
"My resolve has never been stronger," said Trudeau with a sinister growl. "In order to ensure continuing safety and stability, Canada will be reorganized into the FIRST GALACTIC EMPIRE! For a safe, and secure, society!" Trudeau then raised his pale, gnarled hands, laughed a wicked laugh, and shot lightning from his fingertips as everyone clapped nervously.
"So this is how liberty dies," responded one Canadian MP, "to thunderous applause." The MP was then removed from social media and her bank account was frozen for providing support to the truckers.
Galactic Emperor Trudeau has vowed that all remaining truckers will be "hunted down and defeated." Sources say that he has used his powers to execute "Order 66" which mobilizes elite mountie squads to hunt down all supporters of the Freedom Convoy—even the younglings.
When reached for comment, a representative of the Freedom Convoy laughed and replied: "Ah, what a big dumb doughhead hoser that guy is, eh, buddy?"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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