OTTAWA—Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addressed the nation on Tuesday to announce the mobilization of the Canadian Armed Forces against Poland, which he intends to invade and annex as part of the Canadian Empire.
"Oppressing our truckers has given me an insatiable taste for power," said Trudeau. "So I'm directing our generals to strike Poland since it worked out so well for Germany."
The foreign office has confirmed troops are already assembling at the Polish/Ukrainian border in preparation for a land invasion. Putin has reportedly become spooked by Trudeau's sudden imperialist agenda and has ordered Russian troops to retreat.
According to sources, Putin held a virtual meeting with President Biden to discuss Trudeau's recent actions.
"Trudeau is a dictator," Putin allegedly told Biden. "Kind of makes me feel bad about the whole Ukraine thing, so I've decided to drop it."
Canadian troops are reportedly being equipped with rations of maple syrup and hockey sticks since Trudeau doesn't believe in guns or real food.
At publishing time, President Biden was happy to announce that he had single-handedly resolved the Ukrainian crisis as Canada annexed Poland.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
