SAN FRANCISCO—After parents in San Francisco overwhelmingly voted out their school board, a former school board member was spotted on a street corner with a cardboard sign which read, "Will Abuse Children 4 Food." The newly unemployed civil servant appeared disheveled after a restless night of not harming children through forced masking, sexual grooming in gender ideology, and Communist indoctrination.
"I'm a hard worker," said Olivia Nelson. "I will happily harm a child's developmental growth and transform them into obedient brain-dead lemmings for food! I'm even willing to rough them up a little."
According to sources, Nelson has set up shop in a highly trafficked area of Fisherman's Wharf, a place popular with tourists. Authorities believe she'll last there for about a week before she defecates in public and is forcibly relocated to Castro Street by police.
"We're not going to tolerate any homeless at Pier 39," said SFPD Chief Daryl Mates. "Abusing children is fine, but transients are just gross."
At publishing time, other former board members were seen begging Nancy Pelosi for their jobs back. The House Speaker reportedly pretended to have no idea who they were.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
