SPRINGFIELD, ?—Dozens of Simpsons characters have come forward to condemn Apple, Google, and other mobile OS developers for including yellow as the default skin color on their keyboards.
"Stop appropriating our skin!" shouted Lisa Simpson in a passionate speech at
Springfield Elementary School. "Our skin color is not just a character for you to use to perpetuate non-cartoon-character privilege!"
"Do better!" she added before the camera cut away for a few rapid-fire pop culture references and bad Trump jokes. Homer Simpson hatched a foolish but humorous plan to dangle down on a wire into some lasers like in Mission: Impossible to steal the emojis from Apple's headquarters, while Marge organized a community protest but got in over her head. All this happened within the space of exactly 22 minutes and was neatly resolved.
Apple and other OS developers apologized for their insensitive inclusion of yellow emojis and removed them from their platforms. Unfortunately, Mr. Burns quickly bought the license for all yellow emoji designs and plans to charge thousands of dollars to each person who uses one.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
