COLUMBUS, IN—According to sources close to the Maclean family, the couple showed up to a hang-out/dinner/maybe-board-games-if-things-get-wild event right on time, instead of ten minutes late like normal human beings.
"Who the heck is that?" a confused Bridget Werner asked her husband Ted as the doorbell rang at 5:00 on the dot. "It can't be... no... they wouldn't..."
She peaked out through the blinds, and sure enough, to her horror, the Macleans were right outside the door, smiling and ready to party.
"What's wrong with these people?" Ted muttered. "I'm not even wearing pants yet. Honey, have you seen my pants?"
"Upstairs, three paces to the right of the landing, hanging from the cupboard door handle," she muttered absentmindedly.
She opened the door and greeted the insane psychopaths who showed up to the event on time. "Heee-eeeey!" she said. The absolute basket cases then both gave her a full-body hug despite her clearly reaching out for a handshake.
At publishing time, the total psychos had lugged in a selection of over twelve board games to pick from, each of which takes around three hours to play.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."