MOSCOW—Russian radar operators monitoring the situation in Ukraine reported two mysterious large circles in the city of Kyiv earlier this morning. After some investigation, Russian intelligence concluded they were not military formations or aircraft, but simply Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky's massive balls.
The mysterious orbs appeared as Russian forces advanced on the capital.
"My goodness -- they're massive," said one Russian radar technician as he observed the gigantic orbs on his screen. "Honestly, I'm impressed. I'm not even really upset here—bravo, sir. Bravo."
"Hey, Vlad - come check out President Zelenksy's balls! I mean, not for anything weird. Just 'cause, let's be honest, they're just huge." Dozens of Russian soldiers gathered around the screen to admire the sight, all of whom continually muttered the clarification, "No homo" as they stared at the impressive display of masculinity.
At publishing time, Zelensky had shielded thousands of Ukrainian citizens from bomb and missile strikes by telling them to simply hide under the shadow of his gigantic testicles.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)
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