SWITZERLAND—After serious deliberations deep inside the super-secret Nobel Prize Compound in Switzerland or wherever, the Nobel committee of medicine deciders have awarded the coveted Nobel Prize in Medicine to Russia’s President Vladimir Putin for singlehandedly ending the COVID pandemic practically overnight.
News of the swift and nearly-miraculous end to a years-long pandemic came at a serendipitous moment for members of a certain American political party.
“While Putin should receive credit for ending this pandemic, President Biden also deserves praise for ending the pandemic and fulfilling yet another campaign promise like all of the other campaign promises he totally keeps fulfilling,” said Jen Psaki to a journalist and future coworker at MSNBC, “Yes, Putin’s magical ability to end this pandemic bodes well for any democrat running for reelection this November, but that’s just a happy, happy coincidence.”
Thanks to the Russian President’s decisive blow against the COVID pandemic, Democrat-run states across the U.S. immediately began lifting draconian, life-crushing, and statistically racist mask and vaccine mandates in workplaces, restaurants, and even schools. This great news about the scientifically plausible and immediate end to the pandemic is sure to be one of President Biden’s main talking points during his first State of the Union speech.
President Putin showed up in person to receive the Nobel Prize, and then asked to stay in the "super-secret Nobel Prize Compound" as he was hiding from mobs of angry Russian citizens for no apparent reason.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
