EL PASO, TX—In a last-ditch effort to get Democrats to start caring about border security, the Texas government has disguised their southern border as the border between Ukraine and Russia.
"Oh please, won't someone please help us?" said Texas Governor Greg Abbot while hoisting blue and yellow flags all along the border fence. "Putin's forces have encircled us from the south and are entering our country uninhibited!"
Having fallen for the clever ruse, WEF Chairman Klaus Schwab called his pal George Soros and ordered him to assemble the dark united forces of media, corporations, and the Illuminati and unite the world in solidarity over the urgency of protecting the southern border. Soon everyone was changing their social media profile pictures and holding candlelight vigils to raise awareness for border security.
"WE MUST PROTECT THE SOUTHERN BORDER! WE MUST PROTECT THE SOUTHERN BORDER!" said the media, Hollywood, every world power, every late-night talk show host, and David French—all in perfect robotic unison.
Texans are hoping global powers can help them gain a little border security before everyone figures out they've been tricked.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
