LOS ANGELES—Former Star Trek actor and prominent "gaysian" George Takei was informed by his valet's poolboy's Uber driver that gas prices are up. After it was explained to him what gas was, Takei reportedly took to Twitter to calm the Internet with a message of solidarity for the Ukrainian people.
"I know gas is high but we can weather this storm together," Takei tweeted. "We can afford a few extra bucks if it means Putin takes over Ukraine a little slower."
According to sources, George Takei was assaulted with negative comments that claimed he was out of touch and couldn't empathize with lower and middle-class Americans, but Takei is pretty sure all negative replies are from Russian bots.
"Russia is at war with America! Join me on the Twitter front as I push back against these Russian bots! #UkraineStrongBotsWrong," he tweeted in response to negative feedback.
To date, he has forged an alliance with @Alyssa_Milano and @pattonoswalt to fight back against what they call misinformation perpetuated by poor people.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
