COMPTON, CA—As gas prices surge, rappers and other wealthy celebrities have started replacing their usual gold bling with gasoline cans to show off to the world they finally made it.
"Fo' sho', it's gas time, son!" said Snoop Dog, while high rollin' off some exotic with lye and straight-up premium unleaded Chevron.
Eminem was also spotted hanging out with Drake and 50 Cent at Effigy Studios, wearing gas cans around their neck. The sweet ride they drove was also towing a trailer full of oil drums. "We's cod with some feddle, makin' that dough, you feel me?" said 50 Cent.
The gas crisis has incidentally fueled an appreciation for fossil fuels among rappers and other less important celebrities. Fans are now looking up to lit rappers and idolizing the same things they do.
Authorities in the city of Compton have found the change a mostly positive experience.
"We're dealing with a lot fewer drugs on the street," said Officer Fellow Beaverman. "There's been a spike in black market fuel trades but everyone is sober so I call it a win for the D.A.R.E. program."
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."