WASHINGTON, D.C.—Beloved feminist icon and 2024 presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton has announced she will be joining efforts to halt Russian aggression. Starting this week, she has promised to stop importing dossiers from Russia.
"For a long time, I have relied on Russian intelligence as a prime source for phony dirt on my political opponents," said Clinton as she adjusted the scope on her high-powered sniper rifle. "Starting today, I will refuse to import my disinformation or even my hitmen from Russian sources—that is, unless it's absolutely necessary."
Sources in Russia say this will cost the Russian economy over 3,000 jobs, which were previously filled with people working full-time writing phony dossiers for Hillary Clinton. In a statement, President Putin said he was sad to see his close, longtime relationship with Clinton going south. "I thought that big red reset button meant something to you!" he said.
For the time being, the Clintons have committed to buying their disinformation only from domestic sources like The Washington Post.
Bill Clinton also joined the fight, promising to stop importing underage women from Russia.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."