SACRAMENTO, CA—With Californians desperately fleeing the state in search of the American dream, Governor Gavin Newsom is grateful that record-high gas prices have made it nearly impossible to put enough gas in a U-Haul to get out of California.
"Whew! For a minute there, I thought we'd lose everyone!" said Newsom to reporters. "Good luck escaping California now with these gas prices! HAHAHA!"
According to sources, it currently costs $7,827.00 to fill the gas tank of a U-Haul in California. With residents already struggling to survive, many are being forced to put their escape plans on hold. Still, others are undeterred, electing instead to form a migrant caravan to leave the oppressive state on foot.
"We will keep walking until we find freedom in another state," said Juan Vasquez as he and his family trudged down a desert road carrying possessions on their backs. "Gas prices won't stop us! FREEEDDOOOMM!"
As California continues to lose residents, Newsom has called for an additional tax on trudging down desert roads while carrying possessions on your back to prevent further escapes.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
