ANAHEIM, CA—Visitors to Disneyland will no longer be able to experience animatronic Russian children singing in harmony with the rest of the world when "It's A Small World" re-opens on Monday. The Disneyland attraction has reportedly gone under the knife to have all references to Russia removed in a show of support for Ukraine.
Poverty-stricken Annual Pass holders got an early preview of the ride in which they noted "nothing seems all that different. It's still okay to go on when it's hot, I guess."
Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was informed of Disney's bold change. According to sources, he was about to surrender to Russian forces until he learned that fake Russian children were no longer present at Disneyland.
"Thank you, Disney," said Zelenskyy in a video released by the Ukrainian National News Agency. "Your bold stance against Russia is like a nuclear blast in all our hearts. Maybe not as useful, but still kind of good."
"If I live through this bloody war I may visit this Land of Disney."
At publishing time, the "It's a Small World" ride was shut down when a child jumped off one of the boats and became stranded in Holland. The parents were thankful no Russian machines were present to crush their child with a mechanical death grip.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
