U.S.—The New York Times has confirmed the authenticity of Hunter Biden's laptop story, leaving many Americans wishing there was some way they could have known about this before the 2020 election.
"If only there was some kind of system in America designed to expose crimes and corruption and put it on, like, a TV or something," said Bob Billybale, local American. "Then we could make informed decisions about who we vote for. Someone should invent something like that."
In confirming the authenticity of the laptop, the New York Times confirmed Hunter Biden's engagement in underage sex trafficking, abuse, felony drug use, corrupt multi-million dollar deals with foreign governments to enrich himself and his Dad Joe Biden, money laundering for the President, and really bad teeth. Yikes!
"Wow, this Biden guy seems like bad news," said Billybale. "I probably shouldn't have voted for him like the people on the TV told me to. Are we sure those people on the TV know what they're doin'?"
Sources say many Americans hope to vote for someone else in the next election, as long as they can afford gas to get to the polls.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."