U.S.—As gas prices skyrocket, many Americans are looking for alternate forms of travel that will save them money. This has many in the equine community fearful of being used as transportation once again by a nation of overweight and obese citizens.
“With gas unaffordable, I know these humans will want to use us again to get around,” neighed Two-Bit, a local Appaloosa from Missouri. “I know my ancestors used to carry them everywhere, but geez—have you seen the size of these people now? These folks today just aren't built the same!”
“We horses know this administration has dealt the American people a bad hoof with their terrible policies, but breaking our backs to lug y'all around is not the answer!" said a local Arabian horse named Omar. "We already have to run around tracks and perform at rodeos for your entertainment, when will enough be enough?!”
Some horse unions have stated they will not carry human riders unless they maintain a body fat percentage of 15% or less. “Try eating some oats or carrots, they are delicious and healthy. Also maybe try getting off of TikTok and go running a bit, is that too much to ask?” said one rep.
Most Americans agreed that these requests were simply too much and petitioned President Biden to reach out to Saudi Arabia and ask if they would be willing to import camels instead.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
