Right now, President Biden is busy making a "pros and cons" list for starting World War III. You may think WWIII would be a bad thing, but it might not be ALL bad! Try to look at the bright side, you pessimist!
Here are 8 good reasons to enter WWIII today:
1) You'll finally have something interesting to talk about when strangers make small-talk: Finally, something to talk about besides the weather!
2) A good world war will straighten out all those lazy Millennials: It's about time those darned lazy Millenials stopped watching the YouTube and did something useful. We're tired of Grandma and Grandpa shoving that whole "greatest generation" thing in our faces, seriously.
3) We can just let the women do all the fighting now: It is, after all, the current year.
4) Everyone's been waiting a long time for the exciting conclusion of the World War trilogy: We've been in suspense for decades. It's time for the epic finale.
5) You don't have to worry about a Nuclear blast because you can just get in your refrigerator like Indiana Jones in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: If they only knew about this technique in the Cold War!
6) You can post a video of you fighting bad guys and get, like, SO many followers: It will go SO viral. Epic!
7) You might even get to meet your hero Zelensky: What a hunk!
8) With inflation skyrocketing, bullets will be too expensive by next week: So we'd better act now!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."