U.S.—Twitter dealt a devastating blow to The Babylon Bee yesterday after banning them from telling transgender jokes, which is one of the only two jokes they know.
"Guys, what are we going to do?!" cried Editor-in-Chief Kyle Mann while pacing back and forth. "Those 'man-identifies-as' jokes represent almost all our material! We're finished! FINISHED, I tell you!"
The assembled writing team collectively racked their brains to try and come up with a new joke, but could only come up with jokes about youth pastors and potluck dinners, which is already their first joke.
"Come on guys, THINK!" said the Bee's Managing Editor Griswold Dingleberry. "There's gotta be something we can joke about! Has anyone ever made fun of airline food? What if we tell a joke about a rabbi and a priest walking into a bar? Has that been done?"
"I know, I know!" said another writer. "What if we had a man identify as an... attack helicopter? Darnit, that's the same joke again!"
Experts warn that unless they come up with a new joke, The Babylon Bee could potentially lose its status as the all-time king of marginally acceptable satire.
Leadership at the company warned their workers that if they don't come up with a new joke soon, they may have to bring back founder Adam Ford to turn things around.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."