WASHINGTON, D.C.—Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson started her Senate confirmation hearings today. She has become known as a judge with a history of giving light sentences to sex offenders and pedophiles, but she's not too worried as she's being questioned by a roomful of sex offenders and pedophiles.
"Thank you for being here, and thank you for the light sentence you gave me last year," said 371-year-old Senator and prolific sex offender Dick Durban. "We know you'll be a great addition to the Supreme Court."
"Welp! I think we've seen enough! You're in!" he said, slamming his notebook shut.
"Me too!" said Lindsey Graham.
All the other sex offenders in attendance nodded their agreement, many saying Ketanji Brown Jackson was the most brilliant nominee they had ever seen.
In preparation for her ascension to the bench, she is currently reading some books on what a "Constitution" is.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
