“The Elden Ring. Such a beautiful, big ring don’t you think? I easily won against all my enemies and beat the game—totally and completely—without dying a single time,” said Trump. “I really don’t see what the big deal was. Everyone said, 'No, don't do it Trump, you’re gonna have a bad time. You’re gonna have a bad time.' But instead, it wasn’t even hard!”
Read the rest here: https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-hosts-press-conference-to-share-how-he-beat-elden-ring-without-dying-once
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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WINNING: Trump Announces Plan To Attack The British And Prussian Forces At Waterloo
Trump, who was seen wearing a bicorne hat around the White House today, had grown increasingly intent on displacing the British Empire from its perch on the global stage, going so far as to ask his military advisors for strategies to disrupt British trade routes to India. "The battlefield is a scene of constant chaos," Trump reportedly said. "The winner will be the one who controls that chaos, both his own and the enemys. We will have the biggest, most beautiful victory. It will be so tremendous."
Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Their Future National Anthem
The United States fans, for their part, found the booing rather adorable. "Aw, baby brother wants to fight," chuckled the gathered U.S. fans. "Honestly, we do not even know what hockey is in America, we just like beating Canada at the thing they care about most. It will be one final, delicious humiliation of Canada before we invade."https://babylonbee.com/news/canadian-hockey-fans-boo-their-future-national-anthem
