Within hours of Congress passing a new "red flag" law, local resident Winnie the Pooh has had all his firearms confiscated by authorities.
"We knew we had to act quickly after receiving several complaints from Rabbit, who lives nearby," said local ATF Agent Dexter Jagular. "Apparently, this 'Pooh' character has been having deranged paranoid delusions about 'Heffalumps and Woozles' coming to steal his stash of honey. This is clearly a disturbed individual."
Read the rest: https://babylonbee.com/news/winnie-the-pooh-has-rifle-confiscated-after-congress-passes-red-flag-law
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
FEMA Arrests Noah For Running Unauthorized Flood Rescue Operation
"This is an unapproved rescue operation and we will not tolerate such behavior," FEMA Spokesman Randy Tarwater told the press. "We apprehended Noah and his so-called ‘ark' attempting to save human and animal lives. That's not what FEMA represents."https://babylonbee.com/news/fema-arrests-noah-for-running-unauthorized-flood-rescue-operation
For Safety, Trump To Give Butler Speech In Mandalorian Helmet
Although Secret Service has taken extra precautions for Trump's return, the Trump campaign felt it could take no chances. "The Secret Service promised to hang up signs saying 'No Assassins Allowed,' but I'm still uneasy," said campaign manager Darryl Rove. "It's only been a few months for Secret Service to update their training, and there's still a lot of sloped roofs out there. I'd feel a lot better with the Mandalorian helmet sitting on top of Mr. Trump."https://babylonbee.com/news/for-safety-trump-to-give-butler-speech-in-mandalorian-armor
Trembling, Bleeding Spokeswoman Issues Statement Denying That Doug Emhoff Would Ever Hit Anyone
"These accusations are absolutely ridiculous," the spokeswoman said as blood trickled from a scrape under her left eye. "Mr. Emhoff would never, ever do such a despicable thing as to strike anyone — much less a woman. The woman who was allegedly slapped by Mr. Emhoff simply fell down some stairs… just like I did right before coming out here to speak with you all today."
