The Babylon Bee
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The Babylon Bee@thebabylonbee
July 22, 2022
Jan. 6 Committee Announces There Will Be Another Bonus Hearing After The Credits
The January 6th Committee is urging Americans to stay tuned until the very end of the hearings, as there will be another very special bonus hearing after the credits roll.
"Trust me, you won't want to miss this," said Congressman Adam Schiff.
Read the rest: https://babylonbee.com/news/jan-6-committee-announces-there-will-be-another-hearing-after-the-credits
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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
