A U.S. Army spokesperson admitted concern today after the recent drop in recruitment numbers, despite the unveiling of the new "America Is Racist, You Should Die For It" slogan.
Colonel Rip Skirtsteak said the Army will continue its push for diversity in hopes of drawing more new recruits. "It's just really hard to find recruits who hate this country as they should but are also willing to put their lives on the line to protect it," Skirtsteak said as he adjusted his rainbow flag lapel pin. "We may have to switch to Plan B, which is to offer free gender reassignment surgery for everyone who signs up."
Read the rest: https://babylonbee.com/news/army-not-sure-why-their-new-slogan-america-is-racist-you-should-die-for-it-isnt-getting-traction
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."