WASHINGTON D.C.—Merrick Garland, who failed in his Supreme Court hearings in 2016 because of that time he got grape jelly all over the Constitution, is now participating in hearings to be the Biden Administration’s Attorney General. During the hearings, Senator John Kennedy, R-LA, asked Garland if he agreed with this statement: “Two plus two equals four.”
Garland was quiet for a moment before finally saying, “This is a very difficult societal question that you're asking me here; I know what underlies it.”
Kennedy responded, “It just seems like, as Attorney General, if Bill gives you two apples and Kyle gives you two apples, you should know how many apples you now have.”
"Well, I, uh, don’t know if in this scenario I will be, uh, the one tasked to count the, uh, apples,” Garland answered, “so I don’t think it’s proper to, uh, give an answer at this time.”
The answer of what two plus two equals has become a controversial issue ever since the progressive movement embraced flexible values of two, because many other people get angry at the suggestion that two plus two equals anything other than four.
Garland had some questions at the hearings as well, asking if, as Attorney General, he could wear a black robe and have a gavel, but he was told no.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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