SYRIA—Facing the coming wrath of President Biden, Middle Easterners turned to the only possible means of escape: painting their doorposts with the colors of the transgender flag.
"Please, O Angel of Death, pass us by!" cried one man as Predator drones flew by, raining the wrath of Biden from above. "I support your social justice causes, see? You can pass right on by! No problems with you here! We love you, President Biden! So proud to be bombed by a female vice president of color for the first time! Historic!"
He then heard a missile coming in his general direction and scrambled inside to avoid getting blown up by the air-to-ground ordinance.
Biden's drones have been programmed to ignore those homes that display the right social justice slogans, like transgender flags, Biden-Harris signs, and those obnoxious signs with all those leftist altruisms. Warning drones flew overhead before Biden's most recent strike, warning citizens to flee from the wrath to come by painting the pink, white, and blue colors above and beside their doors. A sacrifice of a family's firstborn straight child is also acceptable, in the name of equality.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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