WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a month of suspense, sources confirmed that Biden will finally give his first address to Congress as soon as he wakes up in the springtime.
"Yes, we can confirm that with 83 percent certainty," said White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki. "When the snow melts, and the birds are chirping in the trees, and the sun peeks out from behind the fluffy clouds, the President will emerge from his den and give his first address to Congress as President!"
According to experts, Biden will be coming out of a seasonable hibernation common to homo sapiens of his age, and emerge from the basement in search of his first meal. After a hearty breakfast of pre-chewed French toast and a trip to the bathroom, he will rejoin the world once again.
Several aides anonymously reported that they aren't actually sure if the President is still alive, but they are too afraid to check due to a "Do Not Disturb" sign hung on his basement door.
Some people suggested journalists should find out what's going on, but they are hibernating until 2024.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
