U.S.—In an effort to spice up the Golden Globes and keep in step with the #MeToo movement, a new award has been introduced in recent years. The highly coveted award category is reserved for actors who exemplify "not being a pervert."
“Unfortunately everyone, I have some bad news," explained Golden Globes virtual host Amy Poehler. "It appears that the 'Not Being A Pervert' award will go unclaimed this year as no one was even nominated. Nobody, not a single person was even seriously considered for this award.”
“We sent out multiple requests for nominations months in advance, but still we heard no reply,” said spokesperson Kathy Summers for the Golden Globes. “Strangely, it seems that no celebrity wanted us to vet them for any sexual scandals or wrongdoings. Weird.”
According to sources, some Christians tried nominating Kirk Cameron, but the Golden Globes Committee thought giving him the award would just make all the other actors look bad and create an impossible standard to live up to. Moving forward, the "Not Being A Pervert" award will likely be shelved until a time when there is a cultural, moral revolution within Hollywood.
Desperate to find a new way to keep viewers interested, the team at the Golden Globes is considering some other categories that may be more relevant, such as "Most Oppressed Celebrity", "Biggest Political Activist Acting As An Actor", and "Obama’s Favorite Actor."
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