Donald Trump spoke at CPAC in Florida this weekend and the whole world cheered as Trump gloriously appeared in the news cycle for a few short hours.
As always, the genius Trump gave a speech for the ages. In a speech with so many iconic moments, it's hard to pick one. Here are eight of the best moments from Trump's speech.
When Trump flew onto the stage with an invisible wire as pyrotechnics went off: The entire crowd was in awe, convinced they were watching a supernatural event.
When Trump pulled Jim Acosta up on stage and gave him a swirly: There was a scandal after Alyssa Milano found that Hyatt Hotels had supplied a special stage-toilet for the stunt.
When Trump stood up to cancel culture by chugging a can of GOYA beans: The crowd's chants of "USA! USA!" gave way to "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"
The epic reading 6 weeks' worth of Tweets Trump never got to send: He did this for the first 45 minutes of his speech.
Revealing he's been working out: Trump showed off a new toned body from 6 weeks of increased golf activity.
Trump's announcement that he has grown an army of Uruk-Hai warriors in spawning pits beneath Trump Tower: Get ready for a red wave!
Firing $2,000 checks into the audience with a cannon: Trump proved he's better than Sleepy Joe at keeping campaign promises with a GIANT MONEY CANNON!
When Trump invited weeping Biden voters to come forward and repent: Thousands of liberals were consumed with guilt after being deceived by Sleepy Joe. As the soft piano chords of a Lee Greenwood song played, many came forward to surrender their vote to Trump.
Unfortunately, enthusiasm was cut short after Biden won the CPAC staw-poll by 138,000 votes.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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